I Pull the Strings

Mun, I am a bit doubtful that you will be able to play me. Firstly, you are a Hamburger-a-gogo type person, and while you must be quite adept at saying 'Howdy' and riding broncos and so on, you speak American, which is not, as you know, English. You come from the land where they think "fanny" means bottom. Teehee, it doesn't.

You have also never known the joys of owning a furry freak like Angus or a mad sister like Libby. When has your barmy old dog brought you pieces chewed up mousie and left them on your pillow case as a gift? Never, that is when. Have you ever had pooey nappies left at the foot of your bed when you wanted to innocently snuggle down to dream about Sex Gods? No, you have not.

And while there are quite a few fit looking boys at the place you want to put me, an alarming number have a whiff of homosexualist about them. And there is far far too much of that 'ooo wands and hobbits' sort of thing going on. I may see teachers wandering about in tights and I have a very sensitive (oo-er) nature.

Please reconsider, and regards to Baby Jesus.
Georgia